ANSWERS TO REVIEW QUESTIONS
prepared by Rabbi Eliezer Chrysler
Kollel Iyun Hadaf, Jerusalem
Previous daf Kidushin 31
KIDUSHIN 31 (16 Sivan) - dedicated l'Zecher Nishmas Reb Avrohom ben Reb
Shmuel Teichman by his son Mr. Sidney Teichman, by Mrs. Leah Teichman, by
Mrs. Tzipora Lieber, by Mrs. Amy Kornfeld and by Mr. Berish Teichman.
(a) The Beraisa quoted by the Beraisa expert in front of Rav Nachman, says -
that Hashem considers people who cause their parents Tza'ar (who treat them
with disdain) - as if they had caused Him Tza'ar.
1. Rebbi Yitzchak learns from the Pasuk "Koh Amar Hashem, ha'Shamayim Kis'i,
*ve'ha'Aretz Hadom Raglai*" - that when someone sins in secret (making out
that nobody sees him), it is as if he was pushing the Shechinah's feet out
of this world.
(c) Rav Huna B'rei de'Rav Yehoshua would not walk four Amos with his head
uncovered - because, he said, the Shechinah was above his head.
2. Rebbi Yehoshua ben Levi learns from the Pasuk "M'lo Chol ha'Aretz
Kevodo" - that it is forbidden to walk standing completely erect.
(a) When the son of a widow asked Rebbi Eliezer what he should do if both
his father and his mother asked him for a drink of water, he replied - that
he should serve his father, since his mother, like himself, was obligated to
honor his mother.
(b) Rebbi Yehoshua concurred with Rebbi Eliezer's ruling. When the same man
repeated the question, but assuming that his mother was divorced - he gave
him the strange answer that he should place a cup of water between them and
cluck like one clucks at a chicken.
(c) What he really meant was - that his obligation towards both of them was
equal, and he answered him in such a comical way because he realized that
the She'eilah was not a practical one.
(d) And when he said 'mi'Bein Risei Einecha Nikar she'Ben Almanah Atah', he
meant - that he could see from the fact that his eye-lashes had fallen out,
that he must have cried a lot (a common thing to do upon losing one's
parents - though it is unclear how he knew that it was his father who had
died and not his mother).
(a) Ula Rabah Darshen at the entrance to the Bei Nesi'a that the Pasuk
"Yoducha Hashem Kol Malchei Eretz Ki Sham'u *Imrei Ficha*, which is written
in the plural because it refers to two of the Aseres ha'Dibros (counting
"Anochi" and "Lo Yihyeh" as one).
(b) When the kings heard ...
1. ... "Anochi" and "Lo Yihyeh Lecha" - they contended that Hashem
(Kevayachol) was only concerned with His own personal Kavod.
(c) Rava Darshened from the Pasuk "Rosh Devarcha Emes" - that 'the kings
declared that Hashem's opening words ("Anochi" and "Lo Yihyeh Lecha") were
true, when they heard His subsequent words "Kabeid es Avicha ... " (like Ula
Rabah learned from "Yoducha Hashem Kol Malchei Eretz").
2. ... "Kabeid es Avicha ve'es Imecha" - they realized that their original
contention was unfounded, and that He really cared about the well-being of
K'lal Yisrael (that they should learn gratitude ... ). Consequently, if they
had to be grateful to their parents for bringing them into the world, then
how much more so to Hashem. who not only brought them into the world, but
who also holds life and death in His Hands.
(a) Dama ben Nesinah was a Nochri - who resided in Ashkelon, and who
displayed exceptional honor towards his parents.
(b) The story is related about him to answer the She'eilah as to the extent
of Kibud Av va'Eim, by ...
1. ... Rav Ula is - that when the Chachamim came to purchase from him goods
to the value of six hundred thousand golden Dinrim (fifteen million Zuz), he
refused to wake his father, under whose cushion lay the key to obtain the
goods (even though it meant losing the sale).
(c) According to the text in the Beraisa, the same amount was involved here
as in the first episode. According to Rav Kahana - it was eight hundred
thousand golden Dinrim.
2. ... Rav Yehudah Amar Shmuel quoting Rebbi Eliezer in a Beraisa - is the
same, only this time they wanted onyx-stones for the Eifod (or precious
stones for the Choshen).
(d) Hashem rewarded Dama ben Nesinah - by arranging for a red heifer to be
born in his herd the following year. He informed the Chachamim that even
though he knew they would pay any price, he would only charge them the
amount that he lost the previous year in honoring his father.
(a) A Jew who showed his parents the same respect as Dama ben Nesinah, would
receive an even greater reward, based on a statement by Rebbi Chanina - who
said that someone who performs an act which he is obligated to perform is
greater than someone who volunteers to perform it.
(b) The reason for this is - because someone who is obligated to perform a
Mitzvah, worries that he may not manage to fulfil it, whereas the person who
volunteers, knowing that he can withdraw at any time with impunity, does not
have this worry (Tosfos, DH 'Gadol') and the Mishnah in Pirkei Avos teaches
'the reward is commensurate with the Tza'ar.
(c) Initially, Rav Yosef, who was blind, would have made a feast on behalf
of whoever would rule like Rebbi Yehudah - who ruled that a blind man is
exempt from the Mitzvos, and Rav Yosef thought at first, that someone who
volunteers to perform an act is greater than someone who is obligated to
(d) What made him change his mind was - hearing Rebbi Chanina's statement.
(a) When Rav Dimi came from Eretz Yisrael, he added - that once Dama ben
Nesinah was sitting in the company of the highest Roman dignitaries, when
his mother (who was senile) arrived. She tore the silk garment (embroidered
with golden threads) that he was wearing from him, beat him on the head and
spat in his face, yet he did not retaliate.
(b) Avimi B'rei de'Rav Avahu describes how one can feed one's father quails
and be driven out of the world for it - by serving the food with a scowl
(demonstrating one's reluctance) rather than with a smile (like the story of
the son who, when his father asked him where he obtained such wonderful
food, told him to mind his own business and eat).
(c) And it is also possible to earn a portion in the World to Come for
increasing one's father's work-load - like the son who undertook to work for
the king (for an indefinite period) in place of his father, inviting his
father to grind the corn instead of him.
(d) Avimi didn't just Darshen. He also practiced what he preached, as
described by his father Rebbi Avahu. When Rebbi Avahu would arrive home,
Avimi would run to open the door, shouting 'I'm coming! I'm coming', as he
ran; and this, despite the fact that he already had three sons with
(a) When Avimi once brought his father Rebbi Avahu, the glass of water that
he had requested - he found that he had fallen asleep, so he waited there,
bent over his father with the glass of water waiting for him to wake up.
(b) Whilst he was waiting for his father to wake up, a wonderful D'var Torah
occurred to him. He Darshened from the Pasuk (written in connection with the
destruction of the Beis Hamikdash) "Mizmor le'Asaf" (when one would have
expected the Pasuk to write "Kinah le'Asaf") - that Asaf sang (rather than
lamented) because of Hashem's Chesed in pouring out his wrath on the wood
and stones, and sparing the people.
(c) Rav Ya'akov bar Avuhah's problem in fulfilling the Mitzvah of Kibud Av
va'Eim was - based on his parents' fussing over him, to the point that, the
moment he returned from Yeshivah, his father would run to pour him out a
glass of wine, and his mother would dilute it.
(d) Abaye advised him to accept the service of his mother but not that of
his father - who was a Talmid-Chacham, and would therefore resent it if he
1. Rebbi Tarfon used to honor his mother - by going down on all fours for
her to climb in and out of bed via his back.
(b) When Rav Yosef used to hear his mother's footsteps approaching, he would
to announce 'Let me stand up before the Shechinah!'
2. When Rebbi Tarfon's mother (see Maharshal) boasted about her son's
phenomenal Kibud Av va'Eim, the Chachamim told her - that he had not reached
even a half of the ideal Kibud Av va'Eim. That he would only do when he
allowed his mother to throw his purse into the sea without retaliating.
(c) Rebbi Yochanan never saw his parents - because his father died on the
day that he was conceived, and his mother, on the day that he was born.
(d) He commented - that such a person was fortunate (because it is
impossible to show them the respect that they deserve, and was is bound to
fall short of one's obligations).
(a) Abaye never saw his parents either.
(b) We reconcile this with the fact that Abaye would often declare 'Amrah Li
Eim' - by interpreting 'Eim' to mean his nanny (the foster-mother who
brought him up).
(c) Rav Asi did whatever he could for his elderly mother. What eventually
made him leave her to go and live in Eretz Yisrael - was her request for a
husband who looked as handsome as him (which convinced him that she was
(d) When Rav Asi heard that his mother had followed him and was on her way
to Eretz Yisrael, he went and asked Rebbi Yochanan - whether he was
permitted to leave Eretz Yisrael to go and greet her.
(a) Rebbi Yochanan replied in the negative - because he thought that Rav Asi
wanted to leave Eretz Yisrael permanently.
(b) Rebbi Yochanan told him ...
1. ... initially - that he did not know, and that he should wait a little
and then ask him again.
(c) When Rav Asi asked Rebbi Elazar whether Rebbi Yochanan's reply denoted
anger - he replied that, if he had been, he would not have given him a
2. ... when he asked him a second time - that since he was bent on leaving
Eretz Yisrael, Hashem should return him (to Bavel) in peace.
(d) When Rav Asi heard that, in the meantime, his mother had died, he
commented - that, had he known (how much his mother really doted over him,
and that his leaving would bring about her demise), he would never have left
(a) The Tana of the Beraisa states that one honors one's father both during
his lifetime and after his death. The Tana is speaking exclusively about
matters to do with speech. To honor his father ...
1. ... during his lifetime - he should (assuming that people respect his
father), always ask for the people to send him on errands and suchlike for
his *father's* sake (intimating that his father needs his services).
(b) The latter applies up to twelve months - after which time, most people
are in any case taken out of Gehinom and placed in Gan Eden. After that, he
should say instead 'Zichrono li'Verachah le'Chayei ha'Olam ha'Ba'.
2. ... after his death - he should always add after referring to him,
'Hareini Kaparas Mishkavo' (meaning that one accepts any punishment that his
father is due to receive.
(c) The Tana of another Beraisa states that the translator does not change
'the name of his father or his Rebbe' (when translating what the Darshen
said). The Tana is referring to the father and Rebbe - of the Darshen (not
of the translator himself, which there is no reason to permit).
(d) We cite as an example - Mar bar Rav Ashi, who (during the first year
after Rav Ashi's death) would say to the translator 'Aba Mari, Hareini
Kaparas Mishkavo', in place of which the translator would say to the people
(a) Besides not standing or sitting in one's father's fixed place, the Tana
of the Beraisa lists as examples of respecting one's father (or mother) -
not contradicting him and not adding his own opinion to his father's to
prove that he is right and his friends wrong.
(b) Besides providing him with food and drink, the four things listed by the
Tana list as examples of honoring him are - clothing him and covering him
(with the appropriate head-gear), accompanying him in, and accompanying him